i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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