What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
