You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
