I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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