the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
