we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
