I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
