guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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