dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
