I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
