you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
