I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
God I need to hump something, right now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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