i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I understand Curling. That high.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
