Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
