ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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