she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
