giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
