My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
