this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
