Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
