If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think your dad took our porno
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
