I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
