Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
