if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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