Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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