When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
