The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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