That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
