a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have feelings that need drinking.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
