some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
