dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So many bounce houses so little time
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
