Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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