His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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