yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Drake has all the answers
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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