my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
