It's Friday. Sex?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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