So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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