And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
