I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
