Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my phone needs a breathalizer
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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