i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
