I just cut my nipple shaving
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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