Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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