All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
