Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
