I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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