My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
did i just pee glitter
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
