Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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