Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
