Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
